get.it.out

back?

2011-04-21T21:34:00.002-04:00

soooo. I should probably get back into the blogging gig. A lot has gone down since the last time I was on here... I'm incredibly involved in catching up with the Gilmore Girls and plan to watch the entire 7 seasons in one day... nothing's impossibe.

Sorry.

2009-09-30T15:06:00.001-04:00

That sharpie thing made me pretty upset.
I've been distracted lately.

The Almighty Sharpie...

2009-08-27T18:08:00.006-04:00

Sharpie markers are incredibly under-rated.
I can't even begin to explain how important these marker-pens are to me.. I sincerely wish, from the bottom of my heart, that I had an unlimited supply of them. I use these things for everything...
art, love letters, graffiti, school work, vandalizing things, fake tattoos/facial hair, signing autographs, sniffing, writing on people when they fall asleep, touching up paint/colour on such things as: walls, cars, paintings, moldy food, movie/dvd covers, children, floor tiles etc. I'm usually never without at least one sharpie maker(preferably black)

Recently I've been feeling as though there is something missing in my life, and today - after searching high and low, near and far I realized...the part of me that is missing, is my black sharpie marker :(
Please don't be fooled by the fking shoupie....:

The Sharpie is bottom/left... The Shoupie is top/right..... could YOU tell the difference?

small mistake, big consequences

I have a lot more to say, but I'm getting too worked up... so just check out this page if you need more info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharpie_(marker)
and I suggest you do...

from my brain to yours..

2009-08-27T13:02:00.005-04:00

contradicting everything.

IF nothing is impossble, then how is thinking of something that is in fact impossible, possible?

Doesn't the act of 'thinking of an impossible something' in itself count as an impossibility?

scare the kids...

2009-08-26T01:27:00.015-04:00

So I have a 7 year old niece, and I sometimes find myself being forced to watch kids shows. I came close to shitting my pants when I saw some of the characters on these new shows... creepy man... anyways it brought me to think of how contradicting everything is when it comes to teaching kids good vS. evil...or something like that...especially when I was a kid...

Some [very few, but extreme] Examples:

Dinosaurs:

When we are kids we learn:

BJ, Baby-Bop&the ever popular Barney: "when he's tall he's what we call a dinosaur sensation"... these friendly dinosaurs teaches us everything we need to know about sharing, caring, treating people equally, loving eachother, and cleaning up after ourselves...
Dino: The Flinstones friendly family pet... rub his belly& play fetch... no big deal...

Dudley the Dragon: "Laughin' or sining' or playin' a game, if you're lookin' for adventure call out his name" this guy makes flying happen...

So... hanging out with dinosaurs is not only educational, loving, entertaining, and full of adventure... but they're all cute, cuddley and magic ... why the hell wouldn't you want to hang out with a dinosaur?

As we grow up we learn:
These guys were nothing short of fking psychopaths... your dumb life wouldn't have a chance next to even the smallest of these crazy reptiles. They ran around the earth killing eachother for fun, bringing a whole new meaning to survival of the fittest. They'd tear you to shreds if they found you in their territory[and they would eventually find you no matter where you tried to hide...even you survivorMan] I dare you to go back in time and jump on a dinosaurs back& ask for a free ride, or toss him a bone to fetch.

Dolls:

When we are kids we learn:

Cabbage patch kids, Baby-so-real, Oopsy-daisey doll etc.: These fantastic minature plastic humans are perfect companions! They will keep you company when you're alone, give your life a sense of meaning, and even subconciously prepare young children for the delight/terror of parenthood in the future...

As we grown up we learn:
WTF were are parents thinking giving us these crazy things? Personally, as a child I was never fooled by these freaky human-like "toys" I saw right through their painted cheeks and glass eyes [always staring at you all wide-eyed]... other kids needed proof though I think this picture about sums it up:

Every movie I have ever seen involving any sort of doll, was about dolls murdering people... sure a lot of them spared their true owners life - but would you really be willing to take that risk? NOT me buddy.
After seeing movies such as "Chucky", and "Dolls" I was pissed off at my Mom for even trying to give me one of these blood thirsty mini-convicts. Don't even get me started on the people that collect those creepy looking china dolls that just stare through you all the time.

THEN THERE IS THE OH SO POPULAR

Clowns: FML
I'm not even going to bother dividing this one into "When we're young... and As we get older" I'm just going to flat out say it:
Why on EARTH would a loving parent EVER invite one of these crazy assholes to their kids birthday party? Did you want to tramatize your child for the rest of their god-forsaken lives? Clowns have never been appealing to anybody... and if you're sitting their thinking to yourself "Hey, I really like clowns" then I'm willing to BET that you've commited at least 3 crimes in your life... put even the best-looking of humans in a clown suit and they're sure to frighten even themselves.
As if the idea of a clown isn't scary enough to begin with... they paint their faces all sad, or surprised - common - you're trying to be FUNNY aren't you... I mean isn't that the whole idea? Paint on a fking happy face, and you'll see a kid smile instead of run away for once in your sick freaky clown life.... clowns scare the ever-lasting shit out of me so I don't want to talk about them anymore... here's a visual.

Why so Serious? cause..

THAT SHIT IS NOT FUNNY...IT'S SCARY MAN

SO as if growing up isn't hard enough already ... parents AND the media are teaching us to love these things when in reality they are all crazy-psycho-killers.... who can we BELIEVE in this world? I didn't even discuss Disneys point of view... I'll save THAT for another day... for now I'm just trying to forgive my parents for what they've done. It's awfully hard to sleep in this room with my cabbage patch doll, barney action figure& clown wallpaper.

//x

if all dreams have meaning...

2009-08-20T08:41:00.002-04:00

I attempt to wake up from a horrid dream of someone following me creepily and quietly for reasons unknown. Screaming and kicking it seemed as though I'd never wake; struggling to do so but wanting to so bad...I knew it was a dream, and with that information I knew that I should wake up at any second.
Finally I was coming to life, I woke myself squeezing my pillow- startled, and unable to comprehend where I was or who I was with"what's with you" I heard an unsuspected familiar voice question, "you're kicking and screaming, and clenching onto anything in reach." With my left hand I reached over to feel the face of who was talking - hoping that I would be wrong with my assumption...unfortunately I was all too right. It was a voice of whom I had loved in the past, but never expected to hear again [at least not while in my peaceful bed, in my peaceful new life] I couldn't make sense of things, and it certainly didn't help that my brain was still half asleep.
With my left hand still resting on his [for namesake lets call him...imbecile] I went through things quickly in my head Maybe the last 2mths of my life had been a dream, and this is real life - the way things should be...maybe I've been with him this whole time, and everything else was a bad dream. After trying to put the pieces together -having no luck in doing so- I stretched my tired and confused body - reaching all the way across the bed with my right hand I felt something impossible... with a handful of familiar fur my first thought was this apartment doesn't allow dogs, especially giant collie-shepherds - this can't be true I quickly snapped back to reality... my family dog Jasmine! I started crying immediately "Jasmine" I whispered - and I heard the big friendly dog wake in a heartbeat at the sound of my voice. "No, no, no, this can't be" I started crying, screaming this time, in disbelief. "What is your problem tonight, you're acting crazy, stop crying it was just a dream" stated Imbecile, "Go back to sleep." Was he serious? I thought to myself could it be that I actually was going crazy? I jumped out of bed and looked around the room, pinching myself to ensure that this was in fact reality that I had woken up to. It HAD to be a dream, or maybe I was just hallucinating. Yes, that's it, I was still exhausted from my restless sleep... I was just imagining Jasmine there, the dog that had been put down last summer [may she rest in peace] I knew that was true, because it hurt me so deep hearing the news of having to put down the most innocent of lives...that was something that had to be real. I tried to convince myself once more that Jasmine was not in fact real, but it was still to dark to see clearly. With my voice trembling I called her name and patted my leg, waiting for the dog -that couldn't possibly be there- to run to my side. Sure enough, she came galloping over. I screamed again. I tried to remember a conversation that my roommate Tyler and I had had a few weeks ago, I remember agreeing that in dreams, when trying to punch something - it was almost always impossible for me to make full contact...I began punching myself, as hard as I couldn... I wasn't making contact... so that settled it! I was dreaming!! Thank goodness...now how do I wake up? I ran out of my room looking for someone, anyone who could wake me from this terrible dream, it wouldn't be so terrible if it wasn't for the fact that I had already awakened from the previous nightmare...wasn't I already conscious? Why couldn't I remember going to sleep? Where was I? Why couldn't I remember anything? Nothing was real. Everything that was happening was completely against everything that was real.
Finally I snapped back into reality, I woke up in my bed -alone this time- lights off, with my door wide open...wait, the door was open. I never turn out the lights but leave the door open... was part of this real? Had I woke up, walked out of my room and then came back to bed? I must have been hallucinating, or sleep walking... there had to have been some explanation! Why could I still not remember going to sleep? Or maybe it wasn't a hallucination, maybe Imbecile was letting Jasmine out.... "Jasmine?" I whispered... no response. Good. This meant that I was awake again, finally. I tried to get back to sleep despite the two previous disturbances in my rest.It was then that I felt it, a somewhat large body had jumped on my back... the same body that had been in my first nightmare following me, trying to kill me? But I hadn't done anything! I couldn't decipher what was real and what was a dream anymore. I had waken up too many times for this to be another dream.. hadn't I? I had to at least try to wake up... but I couldn't... I couldn't even move. There was a giant body on me, I was unable to see who it was or what it was planning on doing... I could feel it though. "Why did you leave me, why did you leave me to die" asked the unfamiliar males voice, "now it's your turn" So this is it I thought to myself... I could feel the stranger lift his arm as if he was about to hit me..or worse.. I caught a glimpse of the knife. At least I had my back to him, and I wouldn't be able to see what was coming....his hand came down...
My eyes opened.
I was alive.
My memory was back.
I was fully aware or what was going on, and where I was.
....and I was extremely afraid to fall asleep again.

I feel like I had to get this dream out (while I still remember it), because it might have been the weirdest one I have ever had... now maybe this line of weird dreams has come from reading the ever so popular "Twilight Saga" but still, in the past I've been able to make sense of most of my dreams, or at least enjoy them enough to not have to make sense of them... This one seemed all to real, and I had to wake up 3 or 4 times before I was finally back in my own life... this freaks me out. How can we be so conscious and aware of whats going on, yet completely out of control of our own imaginations? Dreams are fantastic... even this one -though it was creepy as hell, and more nightmarish than dreamlike- One day I'll rant about dreams, because they creep me out, leave me confused, mystified, and excited all at the same time... what do they MEAN!?!!?

WordsForYou;[but thats all you can have]

2009-08-17T05:05:00.000-04:00

wait...

[[[things started so sudden/they ended so fast
are we afraid of the future or scarred from the past

rearranging everything - changed my life from what I knew following something I felt inside; that seemed too good to be true.

.surprise.

you filled part of me with hope then you clouded it with doubt//
words are finally turning from chaos...yet I still can't quite spit them out.
.get it out.

so many things I'm left wanting to say
hope, guilt, hurt&pride all blocking the way
confusion to no end..still causing so much pain
the hurtful realization that life's still one sick game
hypocrisy-
&clearly-fogged sense of bad direction.
reminding me why these dumb hearts are in need of such protection
what I saw as real&true&bliss-an unsuspected blazing fire.
was the disillusion of nothing at all/false hope&fake desire.

you'll find what you're looking for but no doubt it'll be untrue
someone again will fall in love with what they think is you.
I fell for something/nothing...not sure what part was real
&although the scars are permanent the wounds will always heal.

words&feelings twisted with meaning&it's behind them where I hid.
get it yet? I doubt it... good, me neither - never did

so,like an imprint in the sand washed away by the unsuspected tide. I'll keep the hope&guilt&hurt safely covered with this dumb pride.

I'm asking to be removed from your disarranged bottom shelf
where you remain in perfect harmony with your not so perfect self.

yes.I'll keep on keeping on, permanently on defense... in hopes that maybeeventuallyhopefully someday ............something will make sense.]]]

...im fine..just so you know..things are great

not saying, just sayin.

2009-08-16T02:06:00.001-04:00

I HAVE to update this soon for my own good (and Tylers sanity)... and I will... I swear!
I'm not making any promises though.

day7; backonTrack

2009-06-16T00:30:00.000-04:00

My life has been in shambles the past week or more. But I think I'm back on track.Thank fuck...and all of my amazing friends for keeping me sane.
Today was a good day, I got a few more resumes out. Ate real good (except for the meatloaf at dinner shinanigan but we won't go there) AND had a fantastic workout with T. We've decided to push limits and go at least one lap further every night that we run. SO today we walked 1 lap, ran 2, walked 1, ran 3 and walked another. Endurance isn't my thing, I'm more into spriting... so though 3 laps non-stop may not sound like a whole lot.. It is to a sprinter, and when you push past lap 2 and decide to go for that 3rd the feeling is absolutely amazing. There were some boys on the track and we managed to keep pace with them, which is also a fantastic feeling.
Got a tonne of core work in as well, T brought her yoga balls, and mats - it's good to have a workout buddy, because you get to catch up as you work out and it makes things a lot more fun. That's everyones tip of the day... everything's better with a buddy.....everything.
Despite the whole 'fitness' gig going fantastic, there's still a lot that I need to figure out.
Step 1: Mission Fitness is in effect. so now it's time to look further into..
Step 2: JOB SEARCH ... I keep telling myself that I have put out a lot of resumes, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm either not putting them in the right places, or I don't have a very good resume. So I guess I'll have to work on that. I really need to start going to bed earlier so that I can wake up early... but I can never seem to sleep! I wish there was a way to shut off my brain, so it would stop thinking about all the craziness in life. This week's pretty busy, hopefully that will allow me to stay sane.

I'm currently watching 'employee of the month' which makes me think MAYBE I'll work at a grocery store, looks like a promising career.
theres a moth on my computer.I don't like dealing with that sort of thing.its attracted to the light. I have to go. xX

dancedance

2009-06-14T23:33:00.000-04:00

Today ended up being busier than expected, twas my nieces dance recital (a must see). She's amazing, and she won a medal! My eating was a little thrown off, because I went to Red Lobster and it's my absolute favvvv. T&I are hitting the track tomorrow...for real this time. Things have been weird lately, but I'll embrace it...eventually everything will fall into place! Everything happens for a reason riiiiiight!! One of the songs that the girls danced to was called "slow me down" it reeeeeeallly is my life. check these lyrics (it's a fantastic song so listen to it)

Slow Me Down: Emmy Rossum
Rushing and racing and running in circles;
Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose

Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere
My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart
Save me
Somebody take my hand, and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down
Sometimes I fear that I might dissapear
In the blur of fast forward I faulter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere
All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Passed me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart
Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
'Cause I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flys by
I need you to slow me down
Just show me
I need you to slow me down
The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down
xX

ewps;ididitagain

2009-06-13T22:40:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm really not keen on relationships.Why? Because they're dumb and they never workout. A guy and a girl can be friends... lots of people like to stay in touch with their friends right? but alllllll of a sudden sex gets involved in the mix, and things turn to shit. What was once a friendly phone call or text message, is now a complete annoyance...what was once fun hangout time is now a fucking chore. Pasts become issues, people start looking into the future and getting all freaked out... Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we get ourselves so deeply involved in other people, that what you once loved about them is now absolutely repulsive. Life is a game, and everyone's a player...some of them can get pretty nasty. Pink says it best in her song "Mean", it's so impossible, but so common that things quickly turn from fantastic to confusing, to over, and eventually forgotten. Whether it was a week, a few months, or a couple of years - it's all the same and its allllllll a game. But thankGOD through it all you learn //every man for himself, trust is THE worst form of hypocricy, fairytales aren't real, and if something seems too good to be true then it probably is.
I don't feel like writing today. let's be more positive tomorrow, shall we?

day 4;stillFailing

2009-06-12T18:30:00.000-04:00

SoOoO yesterday was an active rest day. I love DOMS.
I had my interview @ the mall.. The thing I like about group interviews are they're very good learning experiences.. 90% chance that I won't get the job we were all applying for, because 4/5 of the people there sounded a lot smarter and cooler than I did BUT now I have all their smart/cool answers to commonly asked interview questions, so I think we know who the real winner is here.
Operation Angelina Jolie is still inder control. Yesterday was a write off, I really was sore.
Today has been alright, except I'm coming to realize that I REALLY need to get focused of the whole "life plan" thing. We all know I'm not big on making plans, but sooner than later I'm either going to a) Go Crazy or b) Die of complete Boredom... or even better? A combination of both!!

I didn't write yesterday because the only internet connection I had was bluetooth, through my phone - and someone brought to my attention that it could get pricey, soooo after losing 2 cheap poker tournys, and doing some much needed downloading, I got off as quickly as possible - and had no time to update bloggy! my bad.

Tonight is the big game 7.. hope to HELL Detroit chokes!! GO PENS (I'm not a fan, just for tonight because I'm completely anti-redwings)

I'll get a bit of a workout in tonight, but probably not enough...Still working on the whole dedication thing... but I ammmm determined.Tomorrow it's back to the track. I swear.
xX

day2;redundancy

2009-06-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

Redundancy: the state of being redundant[dictionary.com] HMM who would have thought?
Redundancy: repetition,routine,overlapping,relationships ...my LIFE

I did good today..when we're talking about the whole fitness thing at least. I ate like a pro! Wheat cereal for breaky, meal replacement for lunch (puke), apple for a snack, protein shake post-workout, and a noice porkchop dinner ( I guess dinner could have been a wee bit healthier but whatev's give me sommme credit! )
I did a nice delt. workout today, and then T&I worked the track like champs. Running is hard to get back into when you haven't stuck to it for a while.. so running 2laps non-stop was good, then we walked 1lap, and ran another 2 and so on. HOWEVER, I drank far too much water today (which is usually a good thing) needless to say we had to make a quick sprint over to the arena, I'm sure you can guess why.
Then it was hammer time. A few planks/side planks (seconds feel like hours when you're planking) 2 sets of pushups, 50 crunches, and some oblique work that could have used a little more enthusiasm.
I was furrrrious[jealous] with some douchebag [amazing endurance runner] because he was running the track like he was preparing for a marathon... I was litterally swearing at him under my breath, like okay buddy 96laps without slowing down is impressive, we frickin get it already...showoff... I wish I had a tad more endurance, mostly so it would stop feeling like I'm about to have an athsma attack after a few laps....practise makes perfect I presume.

so anyways... my new 'you can't do it' goal? A fitness level equivalent or close to that of A ngelia Jolie as Laura Croft in Tomb Raider.
<--- So you can't really see the definition, but believe that it is there... I mean you have to be preTTy strong to fight off robots, and crazy people who are looking to end your life WHILE jumping through the air and hanging from the ceiling. It's a bit of a long shot, but I'm up for the challenge. The more people that tell me "you can't do it" the harder I'll push myself. I figure it will only take a few months of insanely intense cardio, a LOT of toning, probably some yoga, and a mega boob job...kidding, I'm sooo not into that (another day another rant)

Anyways, that's my ideal body goal and I'm sticking to it. One day... you'll see. Definitely not today, and certainly not tomorrow... but one day :)

Other than fantastic hours of fitness, the day was pretty shitty. I've been confused about a lot of things lately, and I don't have enough of an attention span to stick with things that confuse me or hurt my head... I'm so quick to toss something to the curb if it's making me feel crappy, but I need to grow up and deal with things. The GIANT thing that bugs me about people, is definitely technology, it's incredibly easy to stalk people without meaning to, like if you message someone on facebook, and they don't write back... but it says on your 'facebook feed' that they 'wrote on so and so's wall 4 minutes ago' .. you get a little suspicious... Don't avoid me, I know all the excuses...thats my gig.
People have much different backgrounds, and pasts...and I really need to realize that... I am a super overanalyzer, and take way too much to heart... I need to cut it out. Some people have lives, thats understandable, and I guess acceptable.... Maybe I just need a hobby... thank god for blogging.

xX

alreadyFailing.

2009-06-09T18:30:00.000-04:00

so I didn't pull an allllllnighter...and I certainly did NOT get up at 6am for a run. I don't think that's a good time, I mostly want to run at that time because there is no one around, but now that I think about it I don't give a what if people are around.
SO I failed day 1 of the competition. BUT I still went down fighting. I had a meal replacement for dinner (diiiiisgusting) and for dessert? A 2.5km run, 50 situps, 20 pushups and one hell of an arm workout. I think thats fair game.

Got an interview to lulu lemon today... stoookeddddd, especially about the 45minute commute I'll be enjoying every day if I get the job.
Things are falling into place?

Tomorrow I'll wake up earlier?

Competition

2009-06-08T23:32:00.000-04:00

...on second thought, lets start off with saying I want to pull an allnighter so that I can goto bed early tomorrow which will get my sleep schedule back on track...because I can't goto bed early if I've slept in too late the past day, and I can't wake up early if I stayed up to late the past night.. you read? ANYWAYS//

Competition: Sociology. rivalry between two or more persons or groups for an object desired in common, usually resulting in a victor and a loser but not necessarily involving the destruction of the latter. [dictionary.com] WRONG
Competition: NicoleTerms. Getting shit done; The single and only way that Nicole can ever accomplish anything in her life. BINGO
Sorta like bribing a child, or an un-intelligent animal into doing something that you want them to do...turn something -that I really don't want to do- into a competition, and 9.9/10 times I'll definitely get it done, happily.
I love games, I love sports, I love winning... and I most often do whatever it takes to win; can't always win, thus, when I don't I always have a semi-legit excuse...okay so I'm a pretty sore loser, but everyone is to a certain extent.

Everyone knows that I've been super down about a lot of things lately, and there is NOTHING I hate more than being a downer. I do have determination, and I do have drive;I know I need to get up and do something about my situation, but right now life just seems like a vicious cycle of lies, boredom, and games(not the fun kind of games though, more so the 'never-ending, every man for themselves, who cares who gets hurt' games that no one ever wants to play....like risk)
SO I've been unemployed for about a month now, its terrible... I'm getting to used to it... I have been handing out resumes and I have been making somewhat of an effort, but I could be doing a lot more.
SO I've gained like 10lbs and have way too much time on my hands to not be doing anything about it.
HERE'S what's going to happen:

I'm going to compete...with myself...to finally accomplish the things that I want to accomplish, like losing these DAMN extra pounds that I've seemed to accumulate somewhere along this ridiculous journy of mine. I am going to document it to some extent (won't put every gory detail) so that if I'm not getting results, I'll have to post it on here... and look like a moron OR a loser... I hate being the loser, so I'll give it my all.
Graduating from fitness and health obviously taught me a lot about fitness, weight loss, and the ridiculous fad diets, pills and exercise regimes that people attempt. Despite the fact that I'm an unfit 'fitness professional', and feel rather hypocritical about it... I WILL do this the right way. I WILL get up in 3.5 hours and go for a run.
it's 2am and I have a terrible case of A.D.D... so forgive this mess of writing.
bottom line: I have bet myself that I can't do anything about my situation... I will prove myself wrong. I have a goal, determination, drive. I will compete with my stupid negativity...and I will prevail! boooyaa
ps: i failed the allnighter.
GoodNight MuchLove xX.